As leaders, we know it's important to build trust, but repairing it once it's been broken is often overlooked or even ignored. Repairing trust is much harder and more specific than just building trust in the first place. And it actually all depends on what type of trust violation we've made.

When we destroy trust with someone, it's one of two violations—competence or character. A competence violation occurs when we make the wrong decisions, lack key information, or simply make an unforced error. A character violation is much more serious because it means you made a decision that paints you in an untrustworthy light. You chose to act in a way that erodes trust.

It's also important to note that there are two possibilities when facing a violation: valid and invalid—said another way, guilty or innocent. Sometimes, your employees may perceive a mistake, but it's not really a mistake; they're just lacking the proper context that makes the decision seem sound or trustworthy.

What the research says about how to respond is surprising and worth understanding. Kim et al. (2004) found that we tend to respond better to character violations when we hear a denial rather than an apology. An apology in this case is an admission of guilt, while a denial signals we didn't actually behave in an untrustworthy way. Of course, this only works if the denial and clarification are true. Denying something that others can prove will only destroy trust completely.

In addition, Chng et al. (2018) found that employees were more tolerant of leaders who made competence violations rather than character violations. A violation of character is much more serious, and the same study found that leaders who lose trust must repeatedly engage in trustworthy acts. Inconsistency will not repair a broken relationship. Kim et al. (2004) found that people put more emphasis on negative character-based actions than positive ones, meaning they'll remember the bad stuff much more than the good, which is why repairing trust after a character violation requires much more work and consistency than building trust from the start of a relationship.

Character violations are dangerous. If the transgression is valid, you have to apologize, make meaningful commitments, and follow through on them consistently. If it's not valid, deny the violation, explain why it's not valid, and ensure your future actions aren't perceived incorrectly. However, as I mentioned above, not all mistakes are created equal.

When we make competence mistakes, it's best to apologize and put together a plan to correct the mistake going forward. People put more emphasis on positive competence than negative competence (Kim et al., 2004), meaning it's easier to recover from competence-based mistakes by correcting them right away. We all make these mistakes, but we very rarely respond to them correctly.

Perhaps the most interesting finding is what happens after the apology. We've all been there before. Someone apologizes to us, and we say, "It's okay, let's move on." The research tells us that's not a real repair. Sharma et al. (2023) found that trust is most likely to be restored when the injured party sets reasonable demands or expectations that the other person can commit to that demonstrate a genuine willingness to repair the relationship. Forgiveness without conditions buries the transgression rather than resolving it. If you want to repair the trust you've broken, be willing to apologize to your employees, take ownership, and invite them to hold you to something specific going forward. The last part is the key; let your employees tell you what they need from you to repair the relationship.

Competence mistakes are much easier to overcome, but the relationship won’t be repaired to normal standards unless the leader is willing to listen and ask their employees to hold them accountable. It won’t take nearly as much time to repair the relationship as a character-based violation will.

The next time you need to repair trust, ask yourself:

Your answers will shape your response. Remember, not all mistakes are created equal. Knowing how to repair trust starts with understanding the mistake.

Until next time,

Rick

Since 1970, we have lost 3 billion birds in North America. Birds like the Snowy Owl are at increasing risk of extinction due to climate change. Birds are vital to healthy ecosystems - and their decline affects us all.

With over a century of conservation expertise, the National Audubon Society knows what it takes to protect the birds we love. And with your support today, we can.

Join us in protecting birds with a dependable, annual gift and we’ll send you our quarterly, award-winning magazine every year as our thanks.

Donate Now.

Sources: