Perspective: Emotions

A Lesson in Control

Author

Rick Fearnbaugh
March 11, 2025

ARE YOU IN CONTROL?

Do you feel in control of your thoughts, emotions, and feelings? Are you able to resist the natural urge to yell, “Screw you, Jack*ss, when someone cuts you off in traffic,” or do you, like most people, lay on the horn with a string of obscenities? If you just laughed, keep reading, this one is for you!

Controlling your emotions

So, let’s just start by asking, why is it important for leaders to control their emotions? Well, I’m going to tell you two stories that illustrate this point fairly well. Let’s start with one from Ancient Rome.

The Emperor Hadrian was not the most controlled decision-maker. There’s a story of him getting angry. It's not just normal anger, but the kind of anger that makes you stab someone in the eye. Yes, he stabbed a servant in the eye with a stylus (an ancient pen). He acted hastily but was the Emperor, so there was no real harm in stabbing another person. But he felt bad and asked the servant, “What can I do to repay you?” The servant replied, “I just want my eye back.”

Now, let’s look at another example from more modern times.

In 2015, Barack Obama gave a eulogy for Rev. Clementa Pinckney, a victim of a racist terrorist attack in South Carolina. Everyone was angry. It was 2015, and we still had white supremacists attacking black people in the United States. Anger would have been the appropriate, justified response from the President of the United States, who was also a black man at that time. But, Obama chose a different approach. He chose to sing “Amazing Grace”. It was a powerful move that showed his speech's true tone and reflected the community's response of forgiveness. Rather than violence and regression to the norm, the victims and families chose forgiveness. A much more powerful response that reverberated through the community and nation “with a thoughtful introspection and self-examination that we so rarely see in public life,” according to Obama.

Rash versus calculated. The difference between these two stories. And the lesson I wanted to explore in this week’s edition. Leaders make decisions that impact people besides themselves. It’s important to put the effort and thought into making decisions of this magnitude. You don’t want to create an irreparable problem like Hadrian. You want to take a calculated approach that allows you to move forward toward progress.

We lose control of the narrative when we let our emotions control us. Hadrian is an interesting character, but he wasn’t even close to the worst or most violent emperor. He just let his emotions control him, which led to many bad decisions. Obama wanted to control the narrative, which is why he chose the path of forgiveness, spreading the message he wanted regardless of how angry the terrorist act made him.

Reflection

Emotions should not be ignored or discarded. They should be understood, analyzed, and acted upon appropriately. Hadrian was angry and used his anger to act in haste and make a mistake he could not undo. On the contrary, Obama channeled his anger into a different emotion. He got the response he wanted, but Hadrian did not.

So, with that, I’ll leave you to think about how you use emotions as a leader. Do you channel your true feelings into the appropriate response, or do you act in haste, bound by your emotions?

Resources

There are a few articles and sources that helped shape my thinking for this week’s edition. Check them out here:

Hit Reply, and let me know what you think about this week’s topic!

See you next week!

Rick

P.S. Also, if you’re one of our many new members this week or haven’t sent one in yet, be sure to reply with an introduction!

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